Happy Musings

Well. I’m glad that I’m over my freak out. hahah I guess it wasn’t exactly my fault. But still. Glad to have the wacky moodswings gone as well as the paranoia over the placebo effect. But yet I still have questions. But as he is currently incommunicato I’ll deal by writing it out on the blog. Hmm I hate diary entries. Ironic since I love to write. But I don’t like to write the inspid feeling spillage that is so commonly found in teenage girl diaries. I prefer to angst it all out and bleed it onto the page. That is part of a being a teenager as well I think. The angst. The uncontrollable urge to let your emotions take control. This is why there are so many teenage movies after all. Teenagers feel things like 10x harder than normal people do. Whether irrationally or not. They just do. and feel. Such a nice existence at times; other times, not so nice. I like to think that I’ve matured somewhat. I’ve certainly calmed down since high school. This has been such an interesting year of discovery. And to think it’s not even over yet.

I do hope that I don’t ever become one of those needy, dependent girlfriends (*gasp* I’m a girlfriend now or at least I hope so!). That would totally suck. Not to mention be very pathetic. I really should diversify my interests in order to not become one. Either that or just keep on track with school. lol Cuz I got some exams to think about here. My life does not revolve around him. Or least it better not!!!!!!! I’d be very pissed that I let myself go to that point. I really should find new interests though. I’m getting a bit bored. And as I can’t really do what I normally do when I’m bored (hunting), I gotta find a new past-time. Cuz with him in the pic, that’s a big no no. hahaha Maybe I’ll go boulder or something. That’s something I haven’t done in a while. Anything to stop thinking/talking about him. Sorry honey, but I gotta stop sometime. This fluff period has gotta go away. Cuz it’s beginning to get even on my nerves. *sigh*

I guess I like to ponder existence, my existence in paricular, as well as question life. That is, after all, why I’m so drawn to philosophy classes. Oh CHID. You simultaneously am I what I need and what I want to run away from. On one hand, you get Rahul who will poke and prod me–in a good way of course–into thinking more critically and re-examining what I actually know. On the other, I get a ton of Greek row people. I must confess my natural bias against them. I can’t help it if the stereotype gets proven true more often than not!!!! It just does. haha Well I’m learning to get over that. There are really some very heavy hitting people in our class. Of course I am one of them :P (oh arrogance how you carry me through). But there’s this one guy (1 of like 2) who brings up such good points. I loved that he brought up the idea of ownership over our individual bodies and how in reality we don’t truly own them. It’s a freaky thought, but a true one nonetheless. The government puts tags and parameters as to what we can do with our bodies. If I wanted to prostitute myself (NOT THAT I EVER WOULD but a hypothetical) I can’t as it is illegal. Although it is my own body which I am selling. Not the government’s, not my parents’, not anyone else but myself. But as it affects more people than myself, the government find it their right to regulate it. Interesting.

Another interesting through as to biopower is one senator rep in Texas asking that all people of Asian decent to change their names so that it’ll be easier for them to pronounce with, of course, them being the white population. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Why should I have to change myself in order to suit societal needs? I’m sorry, but I wasn’t named for you. It is my name and I’d like you to respect that. And if you mispronounce it, I will correct you. I’d like you to give me the same courtesy if I were to mispronounce yours. So, sorry lady, you can go fuck off for all I care. That is one of the most bigoted requests I have ever heard of in my life.

Everything is interconnected. It is nearly impossible to isolate one issue. If it’s a race issue, there are also feminist, class, and sexual issues intertwined within it as well. The women movement is finding that out right now. While I never claimed to be a feminist (most likely due to the radical stereotype), I do understand the concept of male dominance. And one guy (same one actually) brought up a good point. When you compare a white woman of higher class to a black man of lower class for a job, who do you choose? Obviously, the white woman of higher class. However, if you had to compare two people of the same credentials, a white woman and a black man, then who wins out? I would say the male. We live in a man’s world, where a woman will get paid 15% less for the same amount of work as a man. That is part of male privilege. But it’s not just a matter of race or gender. There are class issues at work as well. Beauty, for example, is not just a sign of subjecting women. It is a class issue as well. For the Western world, being tan is not just an aesethic principle, but also a show of class. You are rich if you have the time to lay out in the sun to get that glow. In direct contrast, in the Eastern world, being fair and porcelain is the desired look. It’s not just a reflection of western colonization as to how white is a sign of purity and dominance ,but also class. If you are fair in the Eastern world, you don’t have to work out in the fields. You don’t have to be out in the sun where you can’t protect your skin because you are too busy trying to put food on the table. Fair, in this case, means you have the leisure to lay around inside, away from the scorching heat. Interesting how that works right?

Have I given you food for thought? I hope so. But this is more to appeal my intellectual aspect I think. Sorry, but this blog is all about me currently :P And probably will remain that way. I lie. These weren’t so happy after all. hahah