Hello Again

It feels like it’s been awhile although my last post before the inspiration for this week was just last Friday. The on-goings of my life have been rather quiet which directly contrasts all the noise in my head. I need a vacation from my thoughts. But with upcoming tests that count I can’t relax too much. I really should be more worried about them but I can’t really bring myself to freak out over them too much. Besides, freaking out won’t really help me any other than to put me in a panicked mindset. So thus I’m procrastinating instead :) I have finished more books when I should be studying. They were quite enjoyable. hahah Of course I choose now to be interested in books I’ve had for a while. Isn’t that the way it always works? I also cleaned my room. One always finds something more interesting or more “important” than what actually needs to be done. That’s ok though. I sorta of planned ahead and added my procrastination into my studying as tonight is my last chance to get this all out of my system before the real work begins.

I’m regaining my balance again. Most definitely a good thing. It makes me happier knowing that I’m beginning to find my sense of self again. I had lost it for a while and felt a little rootless for a bit. I’m also learning a few things. For one, being mature is a lot about being able to make the decision that hurts. And also, I want to strive so that people do not flip through the metaphorical pages. I must make them stop and take notice, remember, and react. Doing nothing does not sit well with me. This may seem contradictory, but of course, there are times where I must do nothing but let time pass me by. That was a hard lesson to learn but I am better for it. I am decidedly a whole lot more patient than I was in the past. These aren’t exactly concrete but these are some of the major things I’ve been mulling over as I isolated myself from humanity. I think that I’m ready to start socializing again (after these midterms though; I can’t afford any sort of grade drop).

A close friend once told me that you shouldn’t have friends. Well. That sounds rather ominous and most definitely is a prickly thing to say. However, I get his meaning now. He didn’t exactly mean it the way it sounds. I am at very selfish time in my life right now, as are most of my friends. We need to devote this time into developing ourselves to the best of our abilities as opposed to worrying about the nuances of relationships at the moment. Maybe I’m not explaining this correctly, but in the end, it’s kind of like making a decision based off one’s significant other. You might live to regret that. So dropping everything and devoting time and effort into solving one’s friends problems when you have problems of your own isn’t exactly the wisest thing to do. Because in the end it is their problem. You cannot solve it for them as much as you’d like to. Of course one can lean on their friends in their time of need but friends are not one’s stability. Occasionally when you stumble and fall down in life, they can help you out but they cannot smother you with their care or else you begin to rely on them too much. There is a balance to it all. And while I am not dropping my friends any time soon, I do understand what he’s saying now. I needed the time to drop out from my social calendar for a bit and find my balance once again. And when I’m ready to rejoin the world again, I will.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: